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If you're lying when you call yourself a "versatile top," either call it quits now or start working on your oral communication skills.

Seven: If he insists on taking "important calls" several times during your date, don't automatically think he's blowing you off.

In today's complicated world, he might be calling work, his sitter, or his ex-wife to see if she can pick up the kids.

Chill out, and use the time to call your sponsor for encouragement.

If you're not a good match (and dates are like new restaurants; about one in eight survive), you're both going to share that awkward moment of "Do I un-friend him or keep reading about his 'Why do I always meet losers? Four: Even though gay men love to label everyone, they despise being labeled.

So whether he's a Bear, Twink, Twunk, Cub, Daddy, Dilf, Otter, Chub, Gym Rat, Gym Bunny, or any of the other zillion names we give one another, only address him in generic terms, like handsome, sexy, hung.

Five: If you're over thirty and at least four years older than your date, don't be surprised if he calls you Daddy.

From there, you might both decide that dinner is the best option. Guys who weren't popular in high school make excellent boyfriends. Don't go to that super-trendy night spot filled with icy women in towering heels and snarky men in shiny shirts.

After the braces come off and the acne clears up, you're left with a smart, nice-looking man who on some level will always feel extremely grateful to have a girlfriend. So, read a couple of good science-fiction books -- or just rent The Lord of the Rings. If you want to find a nice, laid-back guy, go to a bar that has sawdust on the floor and bowling trophies on the walls.

With the help of Answerology creator Matt Milner, we've asked men from around the country to tell us where the heck they are—and the easiest ways to meet them! Your average stand-up class, on the other hand, is a festival of testosterone.

True, comedians have a tendency to be emotionally needy and self-centered.

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