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I was frightened of him, wouldnt dare approach him and as for being 'daddy's girl' - never. I have become scared of my partners, fearful of upsetting them, terrified I am being controlled or used and humiliated. Just because your father treated you like you were unimportant it doesn't mean you really are, maybe he just treated you like that because he felt the same way himself.I have come to believe that I am not worth a man's time, not important enough to be priority, stupid, gullible and a nuisance. All I could say is to learn to love and respect yourself.I fell hard for this man, but broke it off before it destroyed my family.The feelings triggered by the affair linger, and now I am looking for another person like my dad.My relationship with my dad has improved over the past few years but when I was around 9-14, his office took priority over our relationship.I've realized how big of an impact this has had in all aspects of my life, especially recently.In my head I know I'm not, but this pain is so deep inside it is triggered by the slightest thing. You know that you deserve to be loved and respected and don't think that you aren't worth a man's time. Hi Jennifer, From my personal experience this post is truly the case with so many relationships.
But, I've realized how many years of anger and resentment I first have to sort through for that relationship to be genuine.Overtly and also unintentionally, our parents teach us how to approach our lives and relationships – they teach us how to express and receive love, how to handle disagreements, how to process feelings, etc.Our parents shape and color the lens through which we see and organize meaning about other human interactions.Whatever the case is, my opinion is that when we spend time looking to understand our history of attachments and interactional patterns, we are in a better position to make more stable relationship choices. Somehow in reading this essay, I had a breakthrough on the "psychological moment" in my early childhood that might have set my life-shaping relationship with my father down its sorry path. I kind of knew all this through my own counselling training, but you write it so well. A big scary man who was totally ambiguous in the way he spoke so that we never knew when he was serious or joking and woe betide you if you got it wrong. So we hedged our bets and walked on eggshells all the time in readiness for the next explosion. I found places to hide where he could not reach me, until I knew his intent. Don't blame yourself for jumping in on disastrous relationships which were consciously/unconsciously patterned after your childhood relationship with your father.He simply didn't like me and pretty much ignored me until he passed away at 59, too young for either of us to have changed the errors of our ways. If i did something wrong, mum would stand up for me and dad would tell her to pack her bags and get out. He was closed, secretive and we were often told things were 'none of your bloody business'. I have had one disastrous relationship after another, too scared to believe what Im told and so trust has been a major issue. Heather, When I was a toddler my father would come out of the house and say come here you sweet little boy. By the time I was 5 he never caught me there again. As I see it it seems that your father had serious issues with himself and did not know how to deal well with his family and thus ended up leaving deep wounds for you.